Confessional

I did it.  I cheated.

I have been toying with the idea of having one 'cheat' meal every two weeks.  I felt like if  allowed myself something to look forward to, then I could stay committed to the plan because I knew I only needed to get to day 'X' in order to have something that I was craving.

I went to the local grocery store today with two things on my mind - I needed another pineapple and maybe I'd grab a pizza.  I had promised myself that I would only get a cheese pizza so that way I could throw some of my own vegetables on top when I got home. I was there with friends and one asked me if I really wanted to buy that pizza.  I surprised myself when I answered no.  And I meant it.

Once I got home and started cleaning around the house, I was struck with a craving for pasta. This one wasn't the same as me thinking about the pizza.  The pizza I think was more me wondering if I needed to allow myself that treat.  The pasta craving, though?  Completely different.  I can't really describe why it happened and how it was different than wanting the pizza, but I felt like I needed a bowl of pasta NOW.

So, I promised myself that I would have just half a cup of macaroni, a blended tomato for sauce, and some shredded cheese and that would be that.  I stuck to the serving size but I can 100%, without an ounce of hesitation say that it wasn't worth it. It tasted like glue to me. I only ate half of what was in my bowl before I'd convinced myself that if I wasn't enjoying it the way I thought I would, why finish eating it?  Within 5 minutes of eating the pasta, I had really painful pains in my stomach.  I have been eating carrot and celery sticks and fruit in the last two weeks outside of the smoothies, so I know it wasn't just because I hadn't had solid food.  The pain lasted about 10 solid minutes.  I had to get up and find something to do around the house to keep my mind off of it.  They did ease off and I feel okay again now.

Holy cow, is that ever a wake-up call!?  I don't feel any of the satisfaction that I thought I would and I can feel the pasta just sitting like a lump in my stomach.  I don't like this feeling.  I have gotten used to the feeling of lightness after finishing my meals of raw, plant-based food.  I can't believe that I used to do this to myself all the time.  Sometimes more than once a day.

They say it takes 21 days of doing something until it becomes a habit.  I think these green smoothies have gotten into my system a lot more quickly than that. I've been trying to counter the pasta by drinking an extra large (with extra spinach) smoothie.  Lesson learned.